Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
