i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
