Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
