The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
