dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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