I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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