You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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