don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
