i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize