I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
