i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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