I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
