Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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