i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
