I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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