he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
