you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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