If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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