I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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