Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
