We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
