that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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