Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
