who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
