Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
