feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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