we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
