I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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