Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
