toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
