Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
