Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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