shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
