you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I want her autograph on my taint
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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