I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
