listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
