It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
