In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
