So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
