bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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