I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
