Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
