I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
