This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
