Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
