do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
