First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
