So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
