Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
