and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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