4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
